Dear Spinsters—
I had an amazing coffee date with a guy I met while on the line at a grocery store. I said yes to a second date, but it has been two weeks and I kind of forgot what he looks like. What if he isn’t so appealing the second time around? I only ask because I'm in my 30s and this has happened to me a few times -- they seem cute at first, and then the second date comes around and a total dork shows up, but it's the same guy! Have you had this happen too?
Zahida in Naples
Dear Double Take—
The phenomenon you're speaking of is called "Second Date Shock," or SDS, not to be confused with FTD or STD (one brings you flowers and the other gives you trips to the clinic). But we digress. By the time you're of spinster-age you've had plenty of experience with SDS. It happens mostly when you accept a date at a bar while you've got your 'tini glasses on. Date number two rolls around and he's not as appealing as he was the other night while eating vodka-soaked olives out of your navel. But, you met this guy on line buying toilet paper and Lean Cuisines. Do you regularly shop drunk? Or perhaps you didn't wear your contacts that day? Second Date Shock shouldn't happen unless the first date occurred in really low lighting while knocking back "a few." Although, SDS happens to Meredith a lot while she’s completely sober.
Once, Nikki had appendicitis and spent 11 hours on a gurney parked in the hallway of a New York City emergency room awaiting emergency surgery at 3 am. It didn't matter much to her because she was on the miracle drug, morphine. This drug made every guy walking by look like Abercrombe models -- the janitor with a broom, the guy in a food-sanitation cap serving Jell-o, and a nice orderly wearing green scrubs whose name was Seraphim, which means "angel." At least Nikki thought that was his name. She might have made that up in her morphine-induced haze. He was a stunning, tall, Greek God kind of guy, with model-good looks, shiny hair, and set of perfect teeth whose reflection off of the waxed hospital floors could shame the sun. She woke up from surgery with his phone number written in blue pen on her wrist. A couple weeks later, when she was feeling better, she called "Seraphim" to make a coffee date. What showed up was a short, slouchy guy with thick glasses and high-waisted jeans with muffin-top hanging out around their too-tight circumference. He couldn't look her in the eye and kept wiping his nose, and was very nervous. Nikki ended the date after about 15 minutes and went searching for more morphine.
Now, were not knocking slouchy, half-blind, nervous, runny-nosed muffin-top guys who look like their mom dressed them in the dark. No. We're sure there are mates for these guys, and Nikki's weird angel is probably happily married by now. We're spinsters, so we're not beneath giving guys a shot who wouldn't have stood a snowball's chance in hell with us in our 20s. We have to. But we don't have to be with someone we're not attracted to. No one should. Call us Spinsterficial. Yes, it's possible to be attracted to someone on your first meeting and first date and then be repulsed by them on the second date. Hey, at least you got to the second date! That's a major score in Spinsterland.
Zahida, as spinsters, we have to lower our standards a bit -- but just a bit -- so if he's not Prince Charming on the second date, perhaps he's just Prince Date Number Three? Maybe three times a charm. You never know. Sometimes they grow on you like fungus.
Tapping a vein,
The Spinsters
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Yes, we’re still single. So how can we help you, hottie spinster who wants to find true love? Well, we have over 40+ years of collective dating experience, the good, the bad, and the fugly (can you believe we just admitted to that?). We’re not going to tell you what to do -- that’s your mother’s job. We’re going to tell you what NOT to do. How to avoid wasting any more of your precious time on guys that don’t deserve a second look. We’re going to give you both the spin and the straight deal on what you’re doing “wrong,” or in reality, what THEY are doing wrong -- after all, our motto is “it’s not us, it’s them.” We stand by that and we’re willing to give you your money back if our advice doesn’t work for you. Of course, our advice is free, so don’t spend it all at once.
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