How "Ask a Spinster" Began

How This Site Began . . .

Everyday Meredith wakes up and prays that her life is all just a bad dream. But why the hell won’t her alarm clock go off? And why is there a Buzz Light Year toy digging into her hip? And why is she back in land that time forgot (Plantation, Florida, her hometown)? Mer grew up in that suburban, crowded, backasswards town and did everything she possibly could to get out of it. She moved to New York City in 1992 to be an actress, and now she’s back, more than a decade older, with has a son who she loves very much, and gray hair where she didn’t think gray hair could grow. One average day at 7 a.m, after she dropped off her son at her mother’s house and sped off to work, she scanned the radio stations and landed on a classic Yaz song, "Move out." Ah, the 80's, the 80's, the 8 . . . it was somewhere around the chorus of "Move out, don’t mess around, move out, you bring me down," that she suddenly realized that her 20th high school reunion was coming up -- not really soon, but soon enough. She started to sweat. She didn’t go to her 10 year reunion because she thought, "I’ll wait until my 20 year reunion when I’m married and making a lot of money on Broadway." So, it was 10 years later and she felt no better off than I was 10 years before, perhaps even worse. Trying to breathe deeply, it dawned on her that she was getting up there in years -- quite a bit up there -- and had never been married. She immediately called her friend Nikki, who was single and carefree in New York City, and left an emergency message, "HAVING PANIC ATTACK IN SUBURBIA. SEND HELP. S.O.S! S.O.S!" By the time she came to a full and complete stop at a red light, beads of sweat were rolling down her forehead into her eyes. How did this happen? She was a SPINSTER!

So, Nikki rolled out of bed at about noon as usual, and found a panicked phone call from Meredith on her voice mail, breathless rambling about a 20th high school reunion, something about being a spinster. Well, Nikki didn’t panic. She’d heard this before. Let’s see . . . 10 years ago, 15 years ago, and today -- all from Meredith, the only friend she had that was preoccupied with being a spinster. Meanwhile, Meredith was, and is still, totally hot. She’s a MILF. She has nothing to worry about. Well, Nikki liked to think so, because she was the same age, and tried to keep herself together too. So, Nikki did some damage control and dialed Mer’s number. Before she could speak, Mer said, “Oh my God, Nikki, do you understand what’s happening? It’s our 20 year reunion and we’re spinsters!” Nikki had to think fast. “Spinster is the new black,” she told the panicking friend, hoping to make the two of them sound more stylish than pathetic. Mer paused. Now Nikki had her. Mer was laughing. Then, for a moment, Nikki quickly cataloged all the female friends she had over the age of 35 -- most were unmarried, looking for Mr. Has-a-Pulse, some bitter and over the whole dating scene, some still hanging on to hope. All of them spinsters, but COOL spinsters, hot, hip, stylish spinsters. Maybe spinster is the new black, she thought.

Meredith and Nikki got to talking about how they could impart this new found wisdom to other hot spinsters like themselves, and so this website was born (well, not THIS website, but the slower and clunkier incarnation 2 years before this one). Sure, it was conceived in panic, but it wasn’t built on panic. It was built on 40+ collective years of dating experience. We might not be able to tell you what to do, but we can surely advise you on what NOT to do. You’ve got questions, we’ve got all the answers you need. Just ask.

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LETTER OF THE DAY

  • Need some dating advice and want your letter to appear as one of our "letters of the day?" Just email the Spinsters!

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WE'RE BRINGING SPINSTER BACK

  • Welcome to Ask a Spinster!

    spin·ster: (noun)
    1.a woman still unmarried beyond the usual age of marrying.
    2.a woman who has never married and seems unlikely of marrying.
    3.a woman whose occupation is spinning.

    spin·ster spin:
    1. (noun) the rationalization that the freak you’re dating is really into you.
    2.(verb) asking your girlfriends to help you rationalize the obnoxious, selfish, bizarre, and doltish behavior from the guy you’re dating.

What's Ask a Spinster All About?

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Who Are "The Spinsters?"

  • Nikki, MA, MFA is a reluctantly single gal who splits her time between New York City and Miami Beach. She is a full-time freelance writer with 35 books to her credit, including “Not Another Feel-good Single’s Book” (Penguin) and many hundreds of articles in dozens of national magazines. She is the host of MSN’s webisode show, The Celebrity Pet Dish, and her other site, Dogfessions has been turned into coffee table book from HarperCollins Publishers. Her other "brain-children" include: Pugfessions, Catfessions, Rockfessions, Wishfessions, Lovefessions, and Bullyfessions.

    In her free time, you can find her either on the beach, on a date with some hot stud, or romping around NYC or Miami Beach with her friends.

    Meredith Rae is a former columnist for the famed website Dating911.com where she shared her tales of dating woe with internet elite in the late 90’s. An actress for over twenty years and a member of AEA and SAG, she has worked on Broadway, regional theaters, and off-broadway, also specializing in voice-over work and musical theater -- it has long been suspected that this could be the reason for her poor choice in men. Meredith can currently be found on hiatus in Florida raising her 5 year old son, trying to recover from the knocks and pings of the New York dating scene, while trying to find her Prince Charming, or at this point a guy with a decent FICO score. In her free time, Meredith is chasing her son around the playground, avoiding stalkers she has met online, and trying to come up with a cure for aging.

    Email The Spinsters here.

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The Ask a Spinster Manifesto

  • In the early 19th Century, unmarried women were given the job of spinning cloth. Later, “spinster” became a scary word, like “witch,” and all because she didn’t have a man (and probably because spinning cloth turned her hands into claws, and you can’t fix your bangs with claws). A spinster was a frumpy, depressed, unmarried woman living in the shadows of society, often residing in an attic or other dusty hovel.

    Sister, we’re here to smash that ugly picture! Today’s spinsters are cool, hip hotties and strong, confident women who want to find normal guys – we’re not spinning cloth anymore, we’re taking spinning classes at the gym. We’re making lemon Martinis out of lemons, trying to have some fun in dating purgatory, guy or no guy (though we admit it’s more fun with one – or two). Depressed? Hardly! OK, sometimes. But there are great behavioral meds for that now. There’s no reason to mope. We’re here, we’re spinsters, get used to it. Until our wedding day. Then bring us toasters.

    If you’re like us, a “woman of a certain age,” and you know you’re all that and a bag of baked-not-fried chips, and you’re still looking for your proverbial Prince Charming, then this site is for you. After all, who better to ask about dating than two swank spinsters who have seen and heard it all? OK, yes, we’re still single. So how can we help you, sexy, smart, awesome spinster who wants to find true love? Well, we have over 40+ years of collective dating experience, the good, the bad, and the fugly (can you believe we just admitted to that?). We’ll help you with everything from fashion advice to what to say on a bad date – or the best way to crawl through a restaurant’s bathroom window without tearing your pantyhose. Oh, and if you’re still wearing pantyhose, we want to discuss that with you too.

    None of the spinsters we know want to be spinsters forever, so we’re here to prevent you from making the dating mistakes we’ve made. If dating was a parking lot, we’ve already hit all the speed bumps, so you don’t have to (unless that’s your thing, who are we to judge?). We’re not going to tell you what to do – that’s your mother’s job – but rather, we’re here to show you how to avoid wasting any more of your precious time on guys that don’t deserve a second look. As a spinster, your most valuable commodity is time, and one nanosecond thinking about Mr. Wrong is one nanosecond you won’t get back. Yes, spinsters think in nanoseconds. We have no time to waste.

    The bottom line is this: When a woman gets to “a certain age,” you have to date differently. Your dating style must become as streamlined as possible, and your “weeding out” process should be as efficient as a Black and Decker weed wacker. You are not 22 anymore (but hey, neither are we). We’re not saying that there’s no time for “just having fun,” but we’re suggesting that most of the fun should be had with someone you can actually envision yourself with for the long term. Sure, the club bouncer with the tattoo on his face is smokin’ hot, and the dreadlocked hippy guy that sells braided hemp bracelets downtown is adorable, but we can’t sanction those choices anymore. Date smart. Date spinster style.

    In our answers to your questions, we’re going to give you both the “spinster spin,” the hopeful and often ridiculous excuses we make for the guys we all date, and the straight deal on what’s going wrong in a dating situation, usually what they are doing wrong – after all, our motto is “it’s not us, it’s them.” We stand by that. Our advice is real, and we don’t tiptoe around delicate topics. We’re spinsters, not your therapist. But what about the theory that you should only take advice from someone who’s successful at what you’re trying to do? In this case, like, married people? When did the friends of your age get married? Ten, fifteen, twenty years ago? Are they divorced, or on their second or third marriages? Yes, that’s what we thought. Times they are ‘a changin’. Your married friends have nothing on us in the advice department. They have no clue what’s going on out there. We do and we’re here to share it with you.

    This site is comprised primarily of letters we’ve gotten from spinsters just like you (sexy, great, normal, super cool and datable). We’ve also included members from our “Hall of Shame,” stories of guys we’ve dated that will make your hair curl. You’ll also find our “Hall of Fame,” famous spinsters we have highlighted to prove that you can be a spinster and not be relegated to the attic.

    “Spinster” is our word now. We’re not going to let it have a negative connotation anymore. True, labels suck, but they exist, so you might as well wear it with pride. We’re bringing spinster back. Who’s with us?

    --Nikki and Meredith, "The Spinsters"

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Magic Spinster 8 Ball

  • Will you get married? Meet the guy of your dreams? Ask the Spinster 8 Ball to find out. When we were kids, this is how we made all of our decisions!