We’re bringing spinster back.
spin·ster:
(noun)
1.a woman still unmarried beyond the usual age of marrying.
2.a woman who has never married and seems unlikely of marrying.
3.a woman whose occupation is spinning.
spin·ster spin:
1. (noun) the rationalization that the freak you’re dating is really into you.
2.(verb) asking your girlfriends to help you rationalize the obnoxious, selfish, bizarre, and doltish behavior from the guy you’re dating.
In the early 19th Century, unmarried women were given the job of spinning cloth. Later, “spinster” became a scary word, like “witch,” and all because she didn’t have a man (and probably because spinning cloth turned her hands into claws, and you can’t fix your bangs with claws). A spinster was a frumpy, depressed, unmarried woman living in the shadows of society, often residing in an attic or other dusty hovel.
Sister, we’re here to smash that ugly picture! Today’s spinsters are cool, hip hotties and strong, confident women who want to find normal guys – we’re not spinning cloth anymore, we’re taking spinning classes at the gym. We’re making lemon Martinis out of lemons, trying to have some fun in dating purgatory, guy or no guy (though we admit it’s more fun with one – or two). Depressed? Hardly! OK, sometimes. But there are great behavioral meds for that now. There’s no reason to mope. We’re here, we’re spinsters, get used to it. Until our wedding day. Then bring us toasters.
If you’re like us, a “woman of a certain age,” and you know you’re all that and a bag of baked-not-fried chips, and you’re still looking for your proverbial Prince Charming, then this site is for you. After all, who better to ask about dating than two swank spinsters who have seen and heard it all? OK, yes, we’re still single. So how can we help you, sexy, smart, awesome spinster who wants to find true love? Well, we have over 40+ years of collective dating experience, the good, the bad, and the fugly (can you believe we just admitted to that?). We’ll help you with everything from fashion advice to what to say on a bad date – or the best way to crawl through a restaurant’s bathroom window without tearing your pantyhose. Oh, and if you’re still wearing pantyhose, we want to discuss that with you too.
None of the spinsters we know want to be spinsters forever, so we’re here to prevent you from making the dating mistakes we’ve made. If dating was a parking lot, we’ve already hit all the speed bumps, so you don’t have to (unless that’s your thing, who are we to judge?). We’re not going to tell you what to do – that’s your mother’s job – but rather, we’re here to show you how to avoid wasting any more of your precious time on guys that don’t deserve a second look. As a spinster, your most valuable commodity is time, and one nanosecond thinking about Mr. Wrong is one nanosecond you won’t get back. Yes, spinsters think in nanoseconds. We have no time to waste.
The bottom line is this: When a woman gets to “a certain age,” you have to date differently. Your dating style must become as streamlined as possible, and your “weeding out” process should be as efficient as a Black and Decker weed wacker. You are not 22 anymore (but hey, neither are we). We’re not saying that there’s no time for “just having fun,” but we’re suggesting that most of the fun should be had with someone you can actually envision yourself with for the long term. Sure, the club bouncer with the tattoo on his face is smokin’ hot, and the dreadlocked hippy guy that sells braided hemp bracelets downtown is adorable, but we can’t sanction those choices anymore. Date smart. Date spinster style.
In our answers to your questions, we’re going to give you both the “spinster spin,” the hopeful and often ridiculous excuses we make for the guys we all date, and the straight deal on what’s going wrong in a dating situation, usually what they are doing wrong – after all, our motto is “it’s not us, it’s them.” We stand by that. Our advice is real, and we don’t tiptoe around delicate topics. We’re spinsters, not your therapist. But what about the theory that you should only take advice from someone who’s successful at what you’re trying to do? In this case, like, married people? When did the friends of your age get married? Ten, fifteen, twenty years ago? Are they divorced, or on their second or third marriages? Yes, that’s what we thought. Times they are ‘a changin’. Your married friends have nothing on us in the advice department. They have no clue what’s going on out there. We do and we’re here to share it with you.
This site is comprised primarily of letters we’ve gotten from spinsters just like you (sexy, great, normal, super cool and datable). We’ve also included members from our “Hall of Shame,” stories of guys we’ve dated that will make your hair curl. You’ll also find our “Hall of Fame,” famous spinsters we have highlighted to prove that you can be a spinster and not be relegated to the attic.
“Spinster” is our word now. We’re not going to let it have a negative connotation anymore. True, labels suck, but they exist, so you might as well wear it with pride. We’re bringing spinster back. Who’s with us?
--Nikki and Meredith, "The Spinsters"
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