Today Nikki went to Stongehenge (see pic) and left me with the kennel master. I have been studying him for a week now, and I thought I knew his weaknesses. First, he thinks I'm an innocent Schnauzer. I do the "cuddle up" routine very well. Little does he know I'm a trained killer (of small rodents, but still). Secondly, he can't watch me ALL the time. Or so I thought. Actually he can. And, when he's not watching me, there are three dratted locks to un-do before I can make my way swiftly to the bridge for my takeover. I... Read more →
The Master Plan: Total World Dog-ination
Today is my last day on the voyage to Europe. We are currently on the Elbe River with Germany on either side. There are literally thousands of Germans in small boats and lining the banks to take photos of me on the ship. Someone must have alerted them to my presence. I've heard that 400,000 people will be there in Hamburg to greet the ship, and that the city is lighting up all the bridges and tall buildings with blue light -- all for me. I'm a Schnauzer, after all, so it's a big deal for me to return to... Read more →
Day 1: Total World Dogination Begins
I had to let my dear ship, the Queen Mary 2, go back into the deep blue seas without me. Though I could not command the ship (on this particular voyage), my larger mission still remains – Total World Dogination. Today I set about taking over the port city of Hamburg, Germany. I decided to start my mission here because it’s the place where my favorite snack originated – the hamburger. I knew that there had to be dogs at the heart of the history of this town, and probably behind the scenes, pulling the strings of the local government.... Read more →
Day 2: Total City Dognination: Bremen, Germany
My new butler/chaffeur/porter, Harald from Berlin (Nikki’s friend) drove us in his BMW to Bremen, Germany, to “see the sights.” I was obviously there to put Phase Two into effect: Total City Dogination. On the way we stopped at a rest station and I commandeered a Dutch ship, the Cykniso (see photo). Because I am so important, my butler and Nikki have procured a special coach for me to ride in, which they pull for me so that I don’t get tired. The Dogination begins. After investigating this town, I came to find out that its central government consists of... Read more →
Day 3: Amsterdogination: How Much is that Girly in the Window?
We arrived in Amsterdam, Holland, and I was pleased to discover that this town is already run by dogs – gladly, I don’t have to use any strong paw tactics, as I have been prepared to do. As long as canines are at the helm, I’m contented. In the case of Amsterdam, I didn’t have to go to the top to be assured that my canine brethren are in charge. The evidence is quite clear: 1. As much as I loathe bicycles (moving ones, especially), they are the main transportation in this town. Fewer cars means fewer canine road fatalities.... Read more →
Breed Legislation: A Load of Poo
As far as I can tell, there is no breed legislation here in Amsterdam. Any kind of dog may reside in the city limits, and in fact, dogs are not required to follow rules of any kind. For example, I met Bink, a big white Pit Bull kind of canine, today on a busy street and he was carrying a severed human arm. Passers-by were not phased, as they would be in any town in America. Hooray for Dutch Dog Domination! I felt at once proud and a little sad that my country doesn’t allow dogs to follow their instincts... Read more →
I Amsterdam!
Today was our last full day in Amsterdam. They had a HUGE "Pride" parade today up and down the canals of this town and Nikki and Harald hitchhiked onto a boat full of fun folks from Amsterdam, Brazil, and Germany. There were a lot of men dressed like beauty queens on other boats and the rainbow seemed to be a dominating theme of the party. Even though they all had fun, I feel bad for the humans -- they only feel pride one day a year, but dogs feel it every day. As for me, I was walking around town... Read more →
Dogonium in Belgium
Today we went to the "Dogonium" in Brussels, Belgium -- it's a large structure made of metal balls that are meant to represent chew toys of the future. It was built in 1958 for the World's Fair to show that dogs are the center of the world. Very flattering. It's funny, though, because these type of metal chew toys never came to fruition. Frankly, I prefer a good rope tug. Next, we drove to Paris!!! We were going to stop somewhere in between, but the weather was terrible -- see photo of TORNADOES. Yes, French tornadoes. Who would've thunk it.... Read more →
Paree, Paree, Weewee, Paree!
I am finally in Paris! As you know, I'm starting my official quest for World Dogination here. I have to move with some stealth, however, as the French are quite competent at digging out spies. I have seen the Pink Panther films. I have moved into a flat that's exactly half a block from the Palais D'Elysee (where the President of France lives, like the White House, but brown). This area is replete with gendarme (the fuzz), and today I nearly got interred in a French jail on the accusation of espionage -- a jealous feline must have ratted me... Read more →
Paris is Burning
It has been a hot couple of days in Paris. The faces on the street seem to be wilting with the heat. I have been showing a lot of "tongue" here -- panting is the only way I can stay cool so close to the sizzling cobblestones. It's a dog's life, but I persist. I'm in Paris. I can't complain. Yesterday we visited some of the more famous monuments here in Paris. I'm trying to assess the lay of the land before I start my mission in ernest. So far, I have noticed more Americans here than Parisians, which is... Read more →
An American Dog In Paris
About Nikki Moustaki
Nikki Moustaki, MA, MFA, is a nationally known dog trainer, TV and radio personality, and animal expert who splits her time between New York City and Miami Beach. She is the author of 9 books on dogs and 25 books on birds and has been featured on national television and radio shows including CNN, NBC, ABC, BBC, and Howard Stern. More . . .